Breastfeeding is Kicking My Ass

Do a search on the Internet, and you will surely find posting after posting exalting the virtues of breastfeeding. Aside from the obvious benefit of not having your baby starve, the pluses of becoming a food group for your child are many: they get your antibodies and (as personal, anecdotal evidence suggests) can survive the bubonic plague that knocks mom on her ass; using human milk to feed a human makes more sense than using altered, powdered, reconstituted cow milk to feed a human; it's free; and as the life is (quite literally) sucked out of you, those baby pounds just melt away.

Yet by 6 months, less than half of all babies are still being nursed. And the reason why is apparent to me - no one tells you about the fine print...

As I've already addressed the indignities of pumping, I won't rehash that here. But here are some new tidbits that I hadn't been aware of when I signed on the dotted line...

1) Since returning to work I've been on breastfeeding twice daily, and pumping 3 times. That means that 5 times a day, I have to stick my boob into either mouth or machinery. During the day, when I just want to finish my work, I have to stop down, find a quiet space (with an electrical outlet) and stick my boob into machinery. At 11 pm, when all I want to do is sleep, I have to stick my boob into machinery.

2) I can't speak for other babies, but Otter is a very goal-oriented infant. She approaches nursing with a very pragmatic, get in - get out viewpoint. SB's not just going to hang out at the breast waiting for some meager droplets to come. Nor will she work too hard to get what she wants - immediate gratification, and then she's on to the next activity. Which leads to...

3) At least once a week, I am now suffering from blocked ducts. This is what occurs when milk isn't thoroughly removed from the breast and the ducts get, well, blocked. What then happens in the real world is the formation of a rock-hard, excruciatingly painful lump (or lumps) that varies in size from pebble to a rock about 3 finger widths across. Yeah, look at your hand. that's a LOT of lump. Of course, the likelihood of getting the pebble sized version is about 1 in a million.

There are numerous suggestions for the treatment of recurrent blocked ducts from cabbage leaves stuffed into your bra to hot showers, massage and ultrasound waves. And I have tried nearly all, with a consistent lack of results. All I can do is hope that Otter does the job while nursing, at which point milk will again flow freely and abundantly and the cycle can start all over again.

It is during these weekly bouts of feeling like my boob is permanently squeezed into a vice that I question how long I'll actually breast feed. Nearly all the babies I know have not made it this far - I myself was a formula baby from 2 months, Bree from 4. Yet I've made it past the half-way point... And maybe I can last out 5 more months. Though right now, the pump whirring away as I write this, that sounds like a lot of months to go...

photo by blmurch