Baby Swine Flu

Over the past week, we've been inundated with reports on swine flu. You can't turn on the TV or radio without hearing the details and statistics of those infected, dying, or quarantined as the pandemic spreads. As the Egyptians blindly slaughter all their pigs in an effort to avoid infection through a non-infectious source, and neighbors eye each suspiciously for possibilities of outing a carrier (hmmm, Bob looks a little tan - perhaps he just came back from Cancun. Or is he...Mexican???) it's hard not to get caught up in the pseudo panic. Technical definitions aside, I think the media loves the word "pandemic" - it sounds very, very serious. Not to say that swine flu isn't, but you gotta admit, it certainly raises a mutation of the common cold into tuberculosis or malaria territory.

In an effort to stay current, Otter's come down with her own little swine flu. It may only be a runny nose and some sneezing, but the timing's too perfect not to jump to the obvious conclusion: She must have snuck off to Puerto Vallarta and rolled around with some piglets while I was at work. The end result is far from amusing however.

4/28 - Swine Flu Night 1
Thinking it was a one-off, I posted about this as if it were just a break from sleep. I wrote it off to teething (ha) or developmental milestones (double ha). She's still toothless and non-crawly.

4/29 - Swine Flu Day/Night 2
When she awoke with her nose running, I should have understood. Instead, in my continued bout of denial, I told myself it was from the crying she did between 2 and 5 a.m.

I returned home to a continuous flow of snotter but with a plan for the evening. Initially, it all went well enough - down peacefully at bedtime, no sudden waking... I went to bed cautiously optimistic at midnight. When she woke up, I was able to quickly put her down again. Success! Until 3 a.m. And 4:30 a.m. And 5:30 a.m. I passed out briefly from 6:30 - 7:30 and deliriously dragged myself off to work.

4/30 - Swine Flu Day/Night 3
I think I might have caught Otter's Swine Flu. Or maybe I'm just too tired to function. How did we do this night after night? Like the World Health Organization, we've adjusted our battle plan. It now involves saline solution, which (after pinning her down) we squirt up Otter's nose amid blood curdling, congested screams. We've also decided that since it's our coming to bed that wakes her up and starts our decent into hell, we'll just camp out. All we have to do is get her down for the night...

...Which proves difficult. Having given us two completely different non-sleep patterns, Otter decides to go for a 3rd in as many days. This time, she refuses to do what we considered our one ace in the hole. Putting her down ends up being a 1 1/2 hour affair most of which she spends crying hysterically.

However by 9 p.m. we finally succeed and I spend what seems like my most restful night yet sharing a 6' couch with my 6' 1" husband. When I wake at 6 a.m. I actually feel rested for about 15 minutes.

5/1 - Swine Flu Day/Night 4
Happy May Day everyone. Communists rejoice. I've had 5 1/2 hours of uninterrupted sleep and feel like I can climb mountains. The saline campaign continues, with Otter showing about the same level of enthusiasm about the whole affair. But she's definitely breathing easier. At work, I tell people I've been ousted from my bedroom and am congratulated on "having joined the club." Apparently this kind of thing is going to go on for years to come. I try hard not to think about that.

We don't want to mess with our new arrangement but thankfully sleep has turned some brain cells back on. I realize now that Bree and I don't have to share the couch - we actually have a guest room, and if we just clear off the bed we can sleep on furniture designed for that function. By bedtime though, Bree's backed out of our plan, so I spend a VERY comfortable night in the guest bed, snuggling with the dog.

5/2 - Swine Flu Day 5 (Final Day?)
After another uninterrupted night of sleep, Otter wakes up much more Swine Flu-free. She is in a good mood, engaging us in screaming contests, and bouncing up a storm. She's even started sliding backwards on our wood floor. We've backed off the saline and are quietly hopeful that our little pandemic is drawing to a close.

We may even try to regain our bed tonight. But I fear Otter likes this new set-up too much and I'll be squatting in the guest room for months to come...