The Heights of Success, the Depths of Despair

A few days ago, I was going to post a very self-congratulatory entry about how fabulous motherhood was, and more importantly, how great I was. Here is what I was going to mention:

I can officially fit my ass into my long-packed-away jeans. Mind you, they still don't look good, but I can squeeze myself in and, if I don't breathe, even button them.

I can breast feed. This has less to do with me than with She-Blob's latching abilities, but I was going to give myself credit anyway.

In spite of being on-call full time, I've managed to keep up with laundry, throw together a salad, and put away the millions of glasses we own. If I can do one non-baby related "productive" thing a day, I must rock.

Our house is slowly but surely regaining it's pre-renovation configuration.

But that was a few days ago...

Then reality hits. It happens between 7 and 9 pm every night. Well rested from her day of napping (which allows me to do all those "productive" things), SB has plenty of energy to devote to screaming at the top of her lungs.

By 11, I find myself pacing around our house holding an inconsolable child in various positions (as suggested by Dr. Happy, or whatever his name is, whose video conspicuously omits telling you how to get your "calmed" child to stay calm, not to mention sleeping). The only certainty I am faced with is this will go on for at least 2-3 more hours.

Those are the moments of despair, when I sit on the couch, "Shushing" and jiggling Blobby Otter as she cries her ass off, and wiggles out of the tightest swaddles I can muster. There are no joys of motherhood then, and any self-congratulating seems vain and stupid. Those are the moments I wonder what we were thinking, having a child. If I'm ever going to be able to work again. If I even want to be a caretaker for a helpless, needy baby. Why was having a dog to take care of not enough? Is it really worth it? This usually goes on until 2 or 3 am.

But then I sleep...

And when morning comes 3 hours later, I feel cautiously optimistic again. At least she'll sleep during the day, and I can update my blog...

Image by mamjodh