A week ago, I began the process of handing Otter off into the nanny's care. I did this incrimentally (professing it was for her sake, but it was really for mine), first running in at every cry, finally leaving for several hours at a time.
Today the transfer was completed, as I headed off to my first day back at work, and Susana began her first full day of primary caretaker. I don't know how much a 5-month-old understands, but Otter clearly gathered something from me. As I headed for the door, she reached for me, and began to whimper. I tucked tail and ran out the door as quickly as I could.
So I have spent the better part of the day back at the office, re-gathering office supplies, commandeering a computer, trying to get my voicemail to work. It is eerily familiar, so simple to get back "to normal." But I have to remember that my life will not go back to pre-baby business as usual. I have to learn yet another skill - that of balancing my professional life with that of a mom.
I've resisted the temptation to call home. I will, undoubtedly, find out Otter was just fine when I get home at 6 tonight. Yes, I have to also learn to leave earlier.
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