Who ARE These People???

Sitting at work and waiting for some edits to be completed on a Saturday, I decided to kill some time by checking out what babycenter had to say about the world today. Looking back, I realize that I had it coming. Why am I even looking at this site, written by and for suburban uber-soccer moms with huge baby-related anxiety that the site apologetically exploits? (Being a suburban mom myself, I feel totally free to criticize and alienate here.)

I found myself perusing "Forty-two things that change when you have a baby" to take stock of how much of the misfortune has already befallen me, and what horrors may still lurk around the corner. And while I won't bore you by reprinting the entire article (hell, just follow the link to it, if you're so inclined) I will share with you some of my favorite, and most horrifying comments. Personal acerbic editorials included, of course...

You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
Who has time to stop? With a baby in my arms, all I can think about is getting my ass home as quickly as possible, before she decides to cry or wiggle out of my embrace. Besides, roses have thorns. If you're going to smell anything, go for a safer plant, like a daisy.

You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
What kind of losers are you hanging out with? Hasn't the average adult already done this sorting thing sometime in her mid-20s? Unless you're barefoot and pregnant straight out of Jr. High, if this statement truly applies to you, you have some serious-soul searching to do.

You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth. — Anonymous
Seriously? You're just realizing this? Did you miss that after school special, you greedy bitch?

Your heart breaks much more easily.
I must 'fess up - this one is spot on. Where I once only put my cynicism away for the 4-legged set, now tales of children in harm's way get me all teary-eyed.

Every day is a surprise.
I work in TV. Every day's been a surprise for the past 13 years.

You become a morning person.
No you don't. You're still a night person. Who is now forced to wake up at the crack of dawn.

Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
I wish that it were so. I'm afraid my love runs a little thin right around 7:15 every evening.

You realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers. — Roxanne
I haven't had to test this yet. I pray you're right, Roxanne.

You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night. — Kellye
Don't mind?! I start planning my bedtime the moment I open my eyes in the morning.

You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one. — Jaidyn's mom
Forget Superman and Wonder Woman. You also realize that the true hero is that parent traveling alone on a plane with 2 kids.

Your dog — who used to be your 'baby' — becomes just a dog. — Kara
These are the people who, after having a dog for 4 years dump it off at the pound, because they've got a new, human toy to play with. I hate them.

You finally find out the real reason you have those breasts. — Anon.
Then you find out, that according to the baby, those breasts aren't technically YOURS.

No matter what you've accomplished in life, you look at your child and think, "I've done a GREAT job!" — Anon.
God bless you, self-satisfied one. Oh, but to have your unfaltering belief in your own fabulousness.

Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
In all seriousness, this is something I think about quite often, and I have to say I disagree. I think the hardest yet most vital thing we can do is to not live our lives from a place of fear.