Breastfeeding 101

Returning to work after having a baby has a unique set of challenges. Doing it while continuing to breastfeed adds a whole new level of difficulty.

First, there's the social awkwardness of approaching your various co-workers to find a place where you can pump, only to discover that while you work in an office that is 99% women, all the people with access to private, locking rooms seem to be male. Next, there is the indignity of pumping while sitting on the floor of the voice-over booth, all the while hoping you won't be interupted by people who are looking to record voice-overs. Of course there's the task of trying to inconspicuously disappear while carrying a giant black bag that contains a machine which, when plugged in, makes a buzzing noise loud enough to wake the dead. Finally, once you've given up on the previous pursuit, there's the inevitable Q&A session that ensues.

While shooting our latest show a few weeks back, I attempted to be discreet, informing people I was "going upstairs" when the need arose. By the end of the first day everyone knew that Natalya was upstairs, pumping! A litanly of questions arose. So for those of you interested, or out of earshot when this was all being loudly discussed, I'm here to educate.

1. What are you doing up there (upstairs)?
I am pumping.

2. What does it feel like?
Like attaching a vacuum cleaner to your nipple and turning it on and off really fast. While I've never actually done this myself, I'm fairly sure it's an accurate analogy.

3. How often do you do it?
Usually 2 times during the workday, and once at night. No matter how tired I am.

4. How do you know when you need to pump?
How do YOU know when you need to eat or drink? I can feel it.

5. How much do you pump out?
Depends on how long it's been between pumpings. Usually, between 4 and 6 ounces.

6. Have you ever tasted the milk?
I did, after being met with disbelief when I originally said no.

7. Has your husband?
No. "Mother's Milk" may sound hot to some, but after you've actually seen me going through the motions, you realize that pumping is about as sexy as darning socks.