The Bad Mommy Files

I've been thinking of more and more behaviors that would deem me a bad mother in some circles. So without further ado, here is my updated confession of all things negligent. Today's theme is Language.

1. Otter doesn't know how to sign.

Apparently, the craze to make my baby a fully functioning hand signing conversationalist by the age of 8 months passed me by. I tried for about 2 weeks, but it seemed too tedious, and when she didn't embrace my version of "more" (hands out in a bowl shaped, a la Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist saying "May I have more please," in that god-awful musical) I decided not to waste any more of my own time or energy. I learned now that there is a book that's supposed to teach you all the "correct" signs but since I didn't buy it (along with the 100 other baby-raising books I didn't buy) I guess it's a moot point.

I recently came across a blog discussion of the proper way for babies to sign "thank you" vs. "good", with much advice following. Seriously people - are you worried that another signing-proficient baby comes up to yours for a chat and your kid misuses "good," becoming the laughing stock of the baby sign language community? YOU are signing to YOUR baby. MAKE UP THE SIGN YOURSELF! No one will ever, ever know.

For her part, Otter can sign "no," by violently shaking her head. She learned this herself, and uses it quite appropriately in a wide variety of situations.

2. Perhaps "Baby Can Read," but it sure ain't mine.

3. As noted in the previous sentence, I occasionally still refer to my baby as "it."

4. Speaking of not reading, I know I was supposed to read her stories from the moment she left my womb. Some would say even that's too late, and unless I began recounting Cinderella to my fetus she'd be a remedial reader for life. Until recently, Otter HATED books. Like, crying, complaining, miserable sort of hated. And only recently has she even begun to acknowledge that books are good for thumbing through. So, yeah, Mommy Don't Read either.

5. I'm bilingual and chances are, Otter won't be.

Yes, I KNOW language is a gift not to be squandered. I UNDERSTAND that at this age they're just little sponges, absorbing all sorts of linguistic magic. I GET that I'm cheating her. But here's the deal - to get your kid to learn language, you have to consistently speak it around the house. And in this household, the only one who speaks Russian is me. So yeah, I can take 40 minutes to sign/ask Bree (who's Russian consists of "dog" and "Let's go to bed.") in Russian to hand me a spoon or I can just say "Hey, hand me a spoon." You see where I'm going.

Hopefully, none of this will scar Otter for life and she'll manage to speak at least a few words in several languages, and one day manage to read "See Dick run. See Jane jump." Worst case scenario, I guess she could just shake her head "no" to everything...