Policy

Babies R Us blows. It's that simple.

I'd long suspected it, hating it instinctively long before I'd ever set foot onto it's neon-lit, hopelessly confusing aisles of all crap baby, filled with dazed and confused, sleep-deprived mommies and daddies and suspiciously unpeopled by anyone who works there and could offer these poor schmucks some help as they look for breast pumps, environmentally responsible diapers and fashionable mobiles.

Even though BRU is a megalith, as impossible to avoid as breathing air if you're with child, I'd held off physically going there for many, many years. After one frightening trip for a friend's registry gift, which ended with me beating a gargantuan roll of cheap wrapping paper into submission over the unfortunate item I'd just purchased, I vowed that my Mano-a-Mano contact with this hell-hole would be limited.

To that end, I even managed the super-human feat of completing my own baby registry completely on-line. Let those other schlubs (aka, my guests) do the heavy lifting. But what comes out of BRU must invariable go back at some point. And after months of putting it off, I finally gathered strength, willpower and patience and set off to return some items Otter was never going to use.

My first interaction went smoothly enough - I came in with my item, explained that it had been a gift and that I had no gift receipt and was quickly issued a credit. Maybe this wasn't so bad, I thought. Mistakenly.

When I returned home, I realized that I'd forgotten to bring back a more insignificant (read - inexpensive) item. "Oh well, I'll just bring it along next time," I thought naively. By the time "next time" rolled around, another few weeks had gone by. This time, I was a woman on a mission - armed with my prior credit, a gift card, the cup I was returning, and a plan to buy a high chair and bolt. Undaunted by my lack of gift receipt (they do after all carry the item AND I'd done this before), I sashayed up to the Customer Service window. (By 'sashayed' I mean stood in line for 20 minutes behind no one in particular, but I digress.)

"I'm sorry, we can't do a return without a receipt," said the cashier.
"But I've done this before," I replied, confused. "And I can't help it if I wasn't given a receipt."
"Yes, but there's a limit of one time you can return without a receipt."
"But I forgot this at home when I did my other return."
"One time - per lifetime."
"But you can STILL sell it, right? Even if I returned it without a receipt. What's the big deal?"
"That's our policy."
"But it's a $5 cup! You let me return $50 worth of bottles with no receipt! I forgot the damn thing. Do you honestly think I'm trying to strike it rich by returning contraband $5 sippy cups?!"
"Ok, I can do it for you. Just this once. But remember - there is a LIFETIME limit of 1 return with no receipt. LIFETIME."

So apparently, I'm on some BRU blacklist for returns. Which is what I kept in mind when I needed to exchange a Sleep Sac today. I arrived, receipt on the ready, both the fleece Sleep Sac I was returning and the cotton Sleep Sac (same brand, same price, different fabric) in my hands. I was ready to rock.

"You're going to owe a difference on this item," said the SAME cashier. Does she ALWAYS work returns???
"But they're the same price... And I have a receipt..."
"You got this item on sale. The sale is over now."
"But I'm not returning it - I'm exchanging it."
"If it was an exchange for the same item..."
"If it was the same item, I wouldn't be exchanging it, would I? It's the same brand. It's the same blanket. It's the same price. It's just not fleece."
"But the sale is over now. It was buy 1, get one half price. So you owe us $10."
"Ok," I said, trying to figure out how I ended up in the red. "The full price is $20, right? Half is $10. So for both Sleep Sacs I spent $30, right? So shouldn't it average out to $15 of credit per Sleep Sac?" I was hoping she was following my math.
"No, one was full price. This one was half price. $10."
I was struck by a brilliant thought - "But you're ASSUMING I'm returning the 1/2 off Sleep Sac. I KEPT the 1/2 off one. I'm returning the full price one. So, I owe you nothing."
"Ok, I can do it for you. Just this once. But that's our policy."
"Your policy is stupid," I muttered, once my new Sleep Sac was firmly in my grasp.

I walked out triumphantly shaking with anger. I had learned my lesson, had jumped through all their hoops. And yet, it had to come to near blows to get a damn blanket. Is it me, or is BRU trying to scam people? Are they not going to take that blanket and (with the sale being over) going to turn around and sell it for it's full, $20 value? And if I had agreed to pay them the difference, would they not have thus erased any savings from the sale they, themselves held?

I wonder how many of those bleary-eyed, haven't slept in 3 days parents just give up and pay whatever the BRU Nazis dictate. Is this company, which has cornered the market on everything but the baby itself, not making enough money that they have to get more profits, $10 at a time?

It's as sad as the $5 Sippy Cup scheme I was apparently running.

Note: I bear no ill will towards Returns Cashier. She's just following guidelines. And is a bit of a rebel, judging from her ultimately working with me both times... Rock on, RC!