6

Over the last 8 3/4 months, I've had some insights and reflections on this crazy process called pregnancy. Some of it was what I'd assumed and expected, while a lot of it was revelation. I've tried to share my thoughts and epiphanies with you through this blog, as honestly and uncensoredly (is that a word?) as possible. Perhaps too honestly for some.

Now, as I near the final bend in this road (or the merge onto the Superhighway ahead, as the case may be) I'm trying to step back and assess what it is I've discovered.

So here it is - yet another list...

1) Pregnancy doesn't always feel "natural." In fact, to me, there was little that felt natural about it. You feel ill, parts of your body grow suddenly, after a point things move around inside you of their own volition. If you ask me, this has more the makings of a sci-fi thriller than a natural process. Nevertheless, generations of people, cows, whales, ants and mitochondria prove otherwise.

2) Any shred of modesty or shame will be stripped from you by your doctors once you're pregnant. Relative strangers will poke, prod, monitor and manhandle you in a variety of ways too graphic do describe in a public forum. And they won't even buy you dinner.

3) People notice that you're pregnant. This may seem totally self-evident, but it kinda took me by surprise. There were days, even in the later stages, where I would momentarily forget I was knocked up. Maybe I was feeling a bit more energetic, or was getting used to the added weight and girth, but I would truly wake up, having forgotten She-Blob. And then, as I was going through the routine of the day, someone would say, "So, when are you due?" or "Can I assume...?" and I would be shocked back into reality.

4) Hand in hand with #3, my stomach looks fake. Still. It shocks me EVERY time I see my reflection that a basketball has made a home for itself below my skin.

5) People touch you. I'd read about it, I'd heard about it. It was still initially unexpected, though you get used to it quickly.

6) She-Blob has a personality of sorts. She is neither weak nor gentle. And she has moods - quieter days, more active days. Things that make her perk up, or settle. I have yet to figure out how this translates into real life, but it's a strange thing to realize.

7) People want to know the name. They assume you've come up with one immediately. They don't believe you when you say you don't have one, and assume you're holding out on them. You, on the other hand, become strangely protective of the name (or lack thereof, if you're like us, and really don't have one).

8) People assume you're going to change once you have children. And I'm not saying that I won't. Maybe this is revelation mixed with hope, but I think that the values that have made me, me for these years are still in place.

9) That said, you ask yourself a lot of tough questions about your preparedness, ability and even desire to be a parent. You begin to have plans and hopes for your Blob-to-be long before it's an entity distinct from you.

10) People are really, really nice to you when you're pregnant. They are interested in how you're feeling. Strangers chat you up in stores. They offer advice and help. It's made me wonder if I'm somehow a bad person because I don't automatically think to talk to pregnant people about their pregnancy. But I'm very grateful for everyone who's taken the time to simply smile at me, or hold the door a second longer.

So as the clock ticks down, and I face the future with an equal mix of hope, denial, fear, anticipation and sheer horror at the thought that in less than a week I will be handed a human to take care of, all I can ask for is more patience, more knowledge and more revelations. And maybe another candy bar, before I have to start getting "back into shape."


Image by CarbonNYC