I'm Cranky...

Let me list the reasons and signs...

1. None of my clothes fit. The ones that still do, don't fit well. That's because I look like the broad side of a barn.

2. Up and Down are no longer viable directions for my body to take. All movement also includes a sideways component.

3. Macy's doesn't carry any maternity wear. Considering they have hundreds of types of "intimate wear," is it too much to ask that 5 or 6 of those models be designed for people in my "condition"? Who does a girl have to sleep with to get a nursing bra around here? (The answer, apparently, is the people at Target.)

4. We are woefully behind on Olympics. There's no way we'll ever catch up, but I refuse to give in and erase the HD broadcasts that are taking up TONS of space on my TiVo.

5. I've been getting road ragey. Yesterday, a man who wouldn't pull up into the 3 car-lengths of space ahead of him drove me to near insanity. I honked. I passed. He tailgated. I slowed down to 10mph, ignoring the very real possibility that, this being LA, behavior like that could get me killed.

6. I hate...hate...HATE iPhoto. It is the least user friendly program. I'm a reasonably intelligent, college educated, computer literate woman and I can't figure out where the picture files are actually stored on my Mac. Moreover, I can't figure out how to email them (without using Mac-approved email servers, which I do not have). And circumventing the program only corrupts the files. Who came up with this????

7. I'm not going to get to refinish my antique chair before the She-Blob comes. I want that damn chair reupholstered.

8. Today has been the longest day since the creation of time. And it's still only 1:21.

9. I'm dealing with it by mindlessly eating everything in sight. I'm not even remotely hungry, so my chowing is mixed with equal parts shame and disgust at my own gluttony. It results in me looking like the broad side of a barn. (See #1)