In what may possibly be the most horrifying misuse of plastic in the history of mankind, a company now makes ultra life-like baby dolls that apparently crazed people collect. I so wish I was kidding, but alas, I'm not. I'm not sure who buys these things, and will one day devote a post to finding these freaks. But for now, I digress.
My up-close-and-personal encounter with what most resembles a dead, slightly rigor mortised baby came earlier this week at work, where one such specimen was being used for a shoot on child safety seats.
To that end, the victim was being mercilessly shoved into an infant safety seat by one of my co-workers, an expectant father. And of course, all the action was happening at my desk. Accident? I think not.
What ensued was not pretty. The gauntlet had been thrown, and said co-worker and I proceeded to try every possible method of getting the frightening doll-child into its safety harness amid stares, laughter, and reminders that this was a $1500 dead baby we were dealing with. Reinforcements where called in, including a woman who has real children. The baby and the baby seat would not budge.
Here is what I learned in my 20 minute struggle:
1) There is NOTHING intuitive about baby items. The simplest looking contraptions require a PhD in engineering to operate.
2) Contrary to popular wisdom, baby items do not operate with one hand. In fact, several people using hands (and occasionally a leg to brace) are required for the simplest of maneuvers.
3) Given enough time and backup, I CAN shove a comatose or mildly rigor mortised child into a safety seat. If it is moving however (be it because it's living or a zombie), I'm in some SERIOUS trouble...
Image by reborndollkits.com
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