Registry Offender

image courtesy of amazon.com

Disclaimer: Before I come off as a complete and utter ingrate for all the free baby-related stuff I'm hoping to acquire from all you kind people in exchange for some food and booze, let me say: You are generous to a fault while I am motivated by avarice. My whining is just a symptom of my weakness as a human being, so pity me, and do not be angered.

That said...

We have to register. Apparently the future of my non-baby-shower, as well as the balance of the force in the universe rests upon me and Bree walking into a store and scanning items that we hope our kind friends and family will then purchase for us.

Being a working girl, the only time to register is on a weekend. Being as the invitations can't be put in the mail until we register (something I'm still a bit fuzzy on) we are holding up the shower and postal processes. Being that the date for the non-shower is quickly approaching, our registry procrastination is causing all kinds of complications. All that being said, I will now have to spend MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND in the bowels of Babies R Us with a laser zapper. Yes, I'm bitter.

I decided to do some research. Perhaps if we could narrow down the big-ticket items we could be in and out of that land of screeching babies and irate parents in record time. And then... a light. We could use the power of personal computing technology and the invention of the Information Superhighway to our advantage.

We could...Register online!!!!

So, taking the kind responses I've gotten to my Open Letter, I began the painstaking research process that "responsible parenting" calls for. About 20 minutes later, my dreams of a quick and painless registry were being replaced by the cold, hard reality that there are about a billion baby products out there and someone has a horrible story that resulted in death and/or dismemberment about each and every one of them. They ALL break. They ALL have construction issues. They're all...dangerous.

Moreover, even after you think you've gained a little ground by narrowing down a general brand, read all the conflicting reviews, decided that for you, "ease of storage" and "product weight" are more important features than "safety" and "durability," and made the somewhat haphazard decision on which of the 15 identical-looking but differently-named models you'll go with, as you are prepared to hit that magical "register for this item" button on your screen you notice the final, ultimate, utterly disheartening detail: there are about 10 different items with the same brand AND model name, whose only discernible difference is the color of the fabric/tray attachment/wheels. However, they are all at different price points, and have conflicting reviews.

Why is the jungle fabric stroller $50 more than the pink version? And why is it more likely to kill She-Blob or fall apart? I'm really not sure.

My supervisor was walking by when she saw my look of despair while staring at a web page filled with pictures of strollers. "I think I may have one in my garage that I'm not using," she said. "Let me check for you."

Thank goodness for pity.