She-Blob's Day of Beauty

Image courtesy of www.pointedmagazine.com

This Sunday, She-Blob got carried along to a spa day. This is not her first visit, though last time she visited Burke Williams she was in her first months of embryonic life, so I doubt she remembers it. To her credit, she did survive a soak in the spa (NOT recommended) as well as a body wrap (also, NOT recommended). Suffice it to say, She-Blob is a warrior.

This time, I decided to go "by the book," opting for the doctor and spa-approved activities for the knocked-up set. It left me with far fewer options, but we're really past the point where I can convince people that I just ate too much at lunch. So while Kate dangled legs in aforementioned spa, I lumbered off to my complimentary pregnancy milk bath.

As an infant, I'm told that the only time I would put a sock in it was when my mother placed me in a bath. She seriously contemplated letting me sleep there, but ultimately the likelihood of me drowning dissuaded her. As an adult, I have a more complicated relationship with baths. On the one hand, they're warm, comforting and give you that "return to the womb" fuzziness we're all chasing after. On the other hand, after the first 5 minutes, sitting in warm water with cucumber slices and a cool, wet towel on my eyes while candlelight flickers and the soothing sounds of Zamfir's pan pipes fill the air gets a bit, well...boring. Thoughts of "Am I supposed to be doing something?" and "I wonder how long this bath thing goes on for," enter the mind.

I used my time sloshing around in milky, warm water to realize that we are not confined to the initials B.L.O.B. to achieve my diabolical naming coupe. A simple S.B. will give me the desired result of a She-Blob shout-out. "S" names anyone?

After being removed from my bath (and trying to step out of the tub the wrong way - I told you, I'm not good at this spa thing), I was led off to my Pregnancy Massage. I have one thing to say: I should have faked being knocked up a long, long time ago. This was possibly the most relaxing, comforting 50 minutes I've spent in a while. I wish I could say I had epiphanies beyond faking pregnancy, but I was too busy cuddling up to a bolster wondering why I'd never thought to ask for this before.

She-Blob seemed quite happy and re-energized by the whole procedure as well. After resting comfortably all day, at approximately 12:30 a.m., she spent an hour kicking me so hard I would double over in bed.