The other day at work, I was clutching my Coffee Bean (size large) cup. To the casual passer-by, I was, by all appearances, chugging down a gargantuan dose of liquid caffeine. It was filled with tea, but that's not really the point. I may as well have been snorting cocaine.
At least 3 people commented on my alleged prenatal, coffee-junkie ways, never actually condemning my actions but implying, by their very comments, that this was worth commenting upon.
So it's time for me to come clean - or dig my own grave - regarding my "bad" behavior. And while it may sound like I'm only justifying my actions, I do this only to explain my thinking in making some of the decisions I've made.
WARNING: What follows is an unedited account of all my pregnancy-related misbehavior. It contains detailed, graphic descriptions of actions that are frowned upon by the American medical community, as well as my parents. Those of you who are by-the-letter adherents to What To Expect While You're Expecting should probably stop reading now...
1. I Still Drink Coffee
Not every day, and not all day. But I've had coffee and even (gasp!) espresso.
2. I Still Dye My Hair
I had just changed my hair color to a glorious, completely artificial-looking auburn-burgundy when I found out I was knocked up. I just couldn't give up on the color so soon after introducing it into my life. On the other hand, I don't really paint my nails (another no-no, I hear). Not so much because I think nail polish will damage She-Blob, but because I'm too lazy and can't stay in the lines.
3. I Fall Asleep On My Back
Sometimes it just happens. I'm sorry, I haven't learned to wake myself up every time I turn on my back at night. In my defense, She-Blob is still kicking daily, so I'm pretty sure my rebellious back-sleeping hasn't permanently damaged her.
4. I Eat Sushi
And not just California Rolls. I hear you all gasping. But so do all the pregnant people in Japan. And I haven't heard of any population decline in the country. I don't eat at "All You Can Eat Revolving Sushi for $0.99" I'm hoping this reduces my chances of death by fish-poisoning.
5. I've Eaten Unpasteurized Cheese
More gasps... I refer you to the populations of Europe, who have not been done in by raw milk in several thousand years. Though I do hear they have far less lactose intolerance and fewer digestive problems...
6. I've Had the Occasional Glass of Wine
Medicine is on my side in this one!!! Views are changing, and even my OB told me I can! I'm not downing a liter of vodka a night. Or even a month. So lay off, people!
Why am I such an unapologetic rule-breaker?
- Because I believe that I'm a relatively intelligent adult able to differentiate between real risks and fear-based propaganda pushed on us by our culture.
- Because living in LA and breathing in smog every day, while eating chemical-laden "all natural" produce is far more damaging than a cup of Starbucks. But no one seems to warn me about that.
- Because one of the most detrimental things to a pregnancy is stress, and I'm trying to keep myself as stress free as possible. And if the price of that is a scallop roll, I'll take my chances.
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